THE CLASS REUNION
(Some things never change...just the details!)
Every ten years, as summertime nears,
An announcement arrives in the mail,
A reunion is planned; it'll be really grand;
Make plans to attend without fail.
I'll never forget the first time we met;
We tried so hard to impress.
We drove fancy cars, smoked big cigars,
And wore our most elegant dress.
It was quite an affair; the whole class was there.
It was held at a fancy hotel.
We wined, and we dined, and we acted refined,
And everyone thought it was swell.
The men all conversed about who had been first
To achieve great fortune and fame.
Meanwhile, their spouses described their fine houses
And how beautiful their children became.
The homecoming queen, who once had been lean,
Now weighed in at one-ninety-six.
The jocks who were there had all lost their hair,
And the cheerleaders could no longer do kicks.
No one had heard about the class nerd
Who'd guided a spacecraft to the moon;
Or poor little Jane, who's always been plain;
She married a shipping tycoon.
The boy we'd decreed 'most apt to succeed'
Was serving ten years in the pen,
While the one voted 'least' now was a priest;
Just shows you can be wrong now and then.
They awarded a prize to one of the guys
Who seemed to have aged the least.
Another was given to the grad who had driven
The farthest to attend the feast.
They took a class picture, a curious mixture
Of beehives, crew cuts and wide ties.
Tall, short, or skinny, the style was the mini;
You never saw so many thighs.
At our next get-together, no one cared whether
They impressed their classmates or not.
The mood was informal, a whole lot more normal;
By this time we'd all gone to pot.
It was held out-of-doors, at the lake shores;
We ate hamburgers, coleslaw, and beans.
Then most of us lay around in the shade,
In our comfortable T-shirts and jeans.
By the fiftieth year, it was abundantly clear,
We were definitely over the hill.
Those who weren't dead had to crawl out of bed,
And be home in time for their pill.
And now I can't wait; they've set the date;
Our 55th is coming, I'm told.
It should be a ball, they've rented a hall
At the Shady Rest Home for the old.
Repairs have been made on my hearing aid;
My pacemaker's been turned up on high.
My wheelchair is oiled, and my teeth have been boiled;
And I've bought a new wig and glass eye.
I'm feeling quite hearty, and I'm ready to party
I'm gonna dance 'til dawn's early light.
It'll be lots of fun; But I just hope that there's one
Other person who can make it that night.
Author Unknown
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Artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers:
They include:
Herman's Hermits ---
Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker
Ringo Starr ---
I Get By With a Little Help From Depends
The Bee Gees ---
How Can You Mend a Broken Hip?
Bobby Darin ---
Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash
Roberta Flack---
The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face
Johnny Nash ---
I Can't See Clearly Now!
Paul Simon ---
Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver
The Commodores ---
Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom
Marvin Gaye ---
Heard It Through the Grape Nuts
Procol Harem ---
A Whiter Shade of Hair
Leo Sayer---
You Make Me Feel Like Napping
The Temptations---
Papa's Got a Kidney Stone
Abba ---
Denture Queen
Tony Orlando ---
Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall
Helen Reddy ---
I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore
Leslie Gore ---
It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To!
And
my favorite:
Willie Nelson ---
On the Commode Again
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